Ever since I was a little kid all I've ever wanted to be when I grew up was a writer. I wanted to create amazing characters and worlds that would entrance readers the way that I had been so many times as a child. I was one of the only kids in my elementary school that looked forward to reading day, when we just sat around school eating snacks and reading. I always had multiple books to read and would usually finish my pile by the end of the day. I was also one of the only kids I knew who would run to the library the day that they announced the Summer Reading Program so that I could sign up and set my reading goal for the summer.
I couldn't get enough of books and at the same time I couldn't stop writing. Throughout elementary school I won contests here and there and was always encouraged to write creatively. Then I moved on to middle school and then high school where I was never really encouraged to write creatively, so my focus changed dramatically. I still wrote in my spare time, but I was so caught up in other extracurricular activities like the newspaper and yearbook and the mass variety of clubs I could join, that I didn't really focus on my stories and ideas.
Then I went to college and creative writing seriously flew out the window. There was really no time to write between school, my part time job on the school newspaper that was more like a full time job, and my part time job working for a major wholesale company. When I graduated from community college, I took some time off before finishing my BA and during that time I wrote...a lot, but nothing truly that original. I wrote a lot of fan fiction because I wanted to just write and get feedback on my technique and fan fiction was the best way to do that. Plus, I didn't have the time to really take my writing very seriously as I was working full time and trying to have a life, while battling depression and an overall feeling of failure.
Finally, I went back to school, finished my BA in English and decided that I was truly going to give this writing thing a try. I was really confident that I would be able to finish a book and at the very least get some serious feedback on the job that I had done. I knew I had great ideas and a fairly decent grasp of the craft of writing, but then I got stuck. I hit a road block in my pursuit of my dream and that road block is nothing but straight up fear. I'm afraid that I am going to learn that I don't have what it takes to be a writer, that I can't pursue my dream. The thought scares the crap out of me and I can't seem to get over it.
So here I am 2 years after graduation with nothing to show for it. Not even fan fiction. Just ideas and the beginnings of a few novels. I can't seem to finish anything, not even a short story. I'm hindered by my own subconscious and I don't know how to get around it. But I don't plan on quitting. I figure someday I will smack down this fear and I want to be prepared with a great story when I do.
