The Beauty of Writing...

For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a writer. As a little girl I wrote a ton of stories and even won writing contests that allowed me to go to my school district’s writing convention. I can thank my mom for my love of storytelling since she was the one that got me hooked on books in the first place. She read to me often as a baby and a toddler and indulged my need to spend time in the library picking out books. I read just about everything I could get my hands on, including the cereal boxes during breakfast and while most of what I read was fun and not all that memorable (I don’t think I could tell you the full plot of a Babysitter’s Club book), it wasn’t until I read Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson at around the age of 7 that I really understood the true beauty and meaning of being a writer.

Bridge to Terabithia was the first book that stuck with me and I’m not just talking about the plot and the characters, but also the feelings I had while reading the book. It was the first book that truly touched me and brought me to tears. Anyone who has ever read the book (or seen the movie that came out in the last decade) knows the emotional rollercoaster this book takes you on and how it makes you really think about life. Was it too much for me to read at such a young age? Maybe, but I’m glad I did. Reading that book changed how I look at my writing. I know now that I need to evoke emotions and I need to make my readers think. That’s not to say that frivolous and fun aren’t great things to read and that I don’t absolutely love books that represent those things, but they aren’t the ones that stick with me years later.

I want people to get teary eyed or feel an ache in their chest when they read something I’ve written. I want them to remember my characters and their heartache or happiness or the connection that they felt with them whenever they think of the great books they have read. But I also want my books to be fun, an escape from reality even if the book represents something very real. These goals aren’t easy to reach and out of the thousands of books that I’ve read throughout the last 30 years, there are not many that have truly gripped me the way that Bridge to Terabithia did when I was young (and again when I re-read it in my twenties). Even though I couldn’t remember the name of Bridge to Terabithia nearly 2 decades after I first read it, I still remembered what happened and how it made me feel and that is exactly what I want to see happen with my own work someday.

February Goals
Read 3000 pages
Write 1000 words a day
Workout 3 hours a week

All goals are of course at least that amount. More is always better.

Update for February Goals: So far in February, I have an hour of gym time under my belt, but that week only had 3 days and one of those was Super Bowl Sunday, so I feel like that’s a good start. I’ve also finished 4 books this month for a total of 1321 pages, so also got a good start on that. It’s the writing that I have a feeling is going to be tricky. I cannot seem to focus on just one project. I still need to finish revising Genevieve, which now has a tentative name of Revelations, and I need to finish the sero draft of Caitlin, which also has a tentative name of Awakening. But I am being haunted by contemporary romance ideas and they are leaving me scatterbrained and overwhelmed. Normally I would work on outlining the CRs while writing or revising one of the others, but I just stare at the computer or my notebook unable to concentrate and eventually I move on to something easier like reading or watching TV. That’s been happening since the middle of last month and I really need to figure out a way around the obstacle or I may never write again.

In which I admit failure...again...

Once again I've come up short on my goals for November...and really for December and most of January. But for once it wasn't due to my being lazy or because I was so busy procrastinating. I've been so busy over the last 2 and a half months, I've barely had time to rest enough to get rid of the cold that just didn't want to leave.

After 7 years of complacency, I decided to change day jobs so I spent November teaching others how to do my old job and then started training for the new one. Training for the new job took 4 and a half weeks and by the time I was done with that I had the worst cold I've had in years. The damn thing stuck around off and on for over 3 weeks, with the last incarnation of it really kicking my butt.

But now everything is finally starting to fall into place and I'm finding myself comfortable with my new job and my new work schedule. I hope this comfort means that I will be able to start accomplishing my goals, which is my big plan for 2013. I am going to make smaller, easier to accomplish goals for each month and those goals will include writing, reading and working out of course, but I also want to cross as many things off of my Things to do Before I Die List (aka bucket list) as possible.

Another thing I want to do (which also kinda works with my list, since it's on there in a way) is get this blog into shape and then get more followers. I need to come up with a schedule/plan and then stick with it. I need to put myself out there, not to mention get my butt in gear when it comes to the whole reason I have this blog in the first place, which is my writing.

There's a lot that needs to be done and since I've felt more productive in the last week than I have in the last 6 months, I have high hopes that great things will happen.

January Goals
Read 3000 pages
Write 1000 words a day
Workout 3 hours a week

All goals are of course at least that amount. More is always better.

Update for January Goals: I have read more than 4000 pages this month, so at least I've gotten one goal met. The rest have been left hanging while I got rid of the nasty cold. Now that I can breathe again, working out might actually commence. And now that I am caught up and feeling comfortable with life, I can actually start writing again. I am really mostly happy with life right now.

It's NaNo Time!

Normally I spend November entering a whole new world in the hopes that I’ll finally win (write 50,000 words in a month) NaNoWriMo. This year I spent most of October going back and forth about whether or not I should start yet another project. I have a ton of ideas, one of which I’ve been really wanting to dive into, but I also have two projects that are in progress that I want to finish. What I finally decided is that I’m going to participate in my very own NaNo that has slightly altered rules that fit what I need/want to do before the end of the year.

So my goal is to write 50,000 words by the end of the month. Those words can be while working on Genevieve’s first draft rewrite or on Caitlin’s zero draft. As long as I’m working on one (or both) of those that’s what matters. I’m going to try to only count new words when working on Genevieve, but I also don’t want to get discouraged which could lead to being sidetracked, which I definitely don’t need. My ultimate goal is to have a zero draft of Caitlin and a 1^st draft of Genevieve done by midnight on December 31^st. I think they are completely doable, especially with my handy new tiny laptop that is far more portable then my gaming 17” laptop.

While working this out part of me wanted to include blog posts as words towards my goal as well as any research/writing I do on other projects, because I really want to regulate my blog schedule and get the first layer of research done for Grayson’s project, but I wasn’t sure if I should. After a month and a half of no writing whatsoever I really want to get back in the swing of things which means I need to do it all, writing, researching and blogging. Having those words count towards my goal will not only help keep me motivated towards meeting my goal, but they will help motivate me to actually do what I want/need to do. It never ceases to annoy me that my last blog post was over a month (or sometimes even longer) ago, yet I constantly slack off instead of posting like I should.

Now that I’ve put my goals in writing I’m off to write…well work really, then write once I’m home. Good luck to anyone else participating in NaNo or their own version of it. I know we are all going to need it.

NaNo Goal Metric

First Draft...Coming Right Up?

Well I finally finished editing Genevieve's zero draft which was nice. Now it's on to the first draft, which I realized is going to be way harder than the zero draft. I want to keep the great parts that I've already written and make greater parts, but that means two word docs open at the same time, which is easy at home, but not so much at work (where I wrote a lot of the zero draft). This means I'm really going to have to get my ass in gear and write more at home. Ultimately this is what I want anyway, but that's also easier said than done. I need to just think about how badly I would regret life if I never got to the end of the book. I need to finish at least one book that's worthy of submission. If I don't, I'll hate myself and I never want to do that again.

Knowing that I need to make some changes in my daily life where writing is concerned, I've been keeping a writing diary. Every day I notate what I did writing wise and what my daily distractions and feelings were. There are a lot of days that I did nothing in the month that I've been doing the writing diary and it sucks. A lot of those days seem to be that I was too sick or too tired to bother. But if writing was my day job, it wouldn't matter how tired or sick I was, I'd still have to write. I need to remember that. Although it's hard to do that when I've worked all day at my real day job and all I want to do is sleep or veg out when I get home. I have to find the balance.

Thankfully I have great friends who are encouraging me to do it. They are making me remember that I don't want to have any regrets. Maybe if I can get this writing thing under control I'll consider the other life changing prospect I've been thinking about...dating. A scary concept considering I don't do relationships (I haven't been in a real relationship in something like 13 years) and I'm not 100% sure I'm ready to stop being selfish and share my life with someone else. I guess we'll see. Until then it's writing, writing, writing!!! And a promise to blog more than once every 1-2 months. That's not cool.

And So It Begins...Again

Two months...two freaking months since I last blogged. How incredibly lame. What's even worse is that I have very little to show for those two months of silence. Up until this past Saturday (August 11th) I hadn't touched Genevieve. I have only written an extra 1,000 words on Caitlin and I still have no concrete plans for Grayson. I read 40 books over the last two months which is about average for me anyway. I worked out for about two weeks in there and then stopped right before my vacation (which ended yesterday). I absolutely hate that when I break everything down like this, I have nothing to show for the last two months of my life. Even factoring in hanging out with friends and family, there is still a lot of time that I probably spent sitting on my ass watching tv or spacing out or playing video games.

To make matters a little worse, school supplies are filling up the stores around here and it's making me sad. I actually really miss being in school. I miss the structure and the deadlines. I actually went online the other day to look at continuing education course options, but realized that since I can barely afford food sometimes, that paying to go to school when I'm still paying for my BA would be a dumb idea. So then I went online and looked at syllabi for different classes thinking that maybe if I created my own syllabus for each project I have (writing, reading and working out) then maybe I would actually get stuff done and become a productive person again. I'm seriously considering this, but I'm not sure how yet.

All I know is that I need to get back to how I was when I was in school three years ago. I juggled working full time, taking 2-3 classes a semester and still had a social life. Now I just need to do the same thing and I can't seem to figure out how. I better have it figured out by September 1st though because whether I like it or not things are going to change because they have to. Hopefully though I'll get it figured out soon and then I'll have a soft launch into this new life situation, which is always the best way to go I think.

Bits and Pieces: Sucktastic

Once again I've been pretty lame at remembering to blog. I don't have any really good excuses...not that any excuse is a good excuse. I haven't been particularly busy although I've been trying to keep myself buried in writing. While Genevieve's still titleless story is sitting waiting for me to read and edit the zero draft, I've been trying to figure out where I want to take Caitlin's story. I have 15,000 words written there, but I'm a little stuck and unsure of what I had already plotted out. While I'm stuck with that I've been researching ideas for Grayson's world. I'll definitely be going down the Greek myth road, just not sure how much or what else will be added.

Aside from writing, I've been wasting time playing Castleville. Procrastination and distractions worked wonders while I was in school, so I'm hoping it'll work now. What I really need to do is set up strict deadlines like I had in school. Even though I was up burning the midnight oil more than once I never turned in a paper late and I always got great grades on them.

Last, but definitely not least a friend of mine passed away yesterday and it's been hard to not think about him and start crying. I know that he wouldn't want me to sit around and be sad. Even when he was at his worst and the Leukemia and his cerebral palsy had him down, he was still the most positive and optimistic person I knew. He has inspired me to be a better person, so hopefully I will eventually make him proud whereever he is.

Back to Reality

At the end of every May I take a mental health break from my day job for at least a week. This year I planned on working a lot on Genevieve's story while also recovering from getting a tooth pulled and some other dental work done. But plans always seem to change. I finished Genevieve's zero draft the Friday before my vacation so that took her out of the equation. Thought maybe I'd work on one of my other projects, but then the dental work and subsequent Vicodin pain pills took a lot out of me so I spent a lot of my vacation sleeping or just lounging. I did, however, read 9 books while I was lounging and watched a lot of tv, more specifically a lot of Storage Wars...I can't seem to get enough of that weird show.

Now it's time to get back to reality. Day job comes first and then it's all about the little things. I have 9 book reviews to write, a workout routine to well..workout, I'm gonna let Genevieve sit another week and then it's on to her 1st draft. In the meantime I'll be trying to put stuff together for Grayson's story and maybe working a little on Caitlin's story. And of course on top of all of that I have a ton of books in my TBR pile and WoW characters that need a little playing. I guess it's a good thing that I'm so broke I have no money to do anything but hang out at home.

Now that I'm back, blog schedule will proceed as usual, although Tuesday and Thursday are swapping this week. Bits and Pieces today and book review on Thursday. Here's to getting things rolling.

Bits and Pieces: Big Things

Today I was on a roll, a 3,000 word roll that is. It was by far my best day of writing since I started Genevieve's story both quantity and quality wise. I am finally at the end of the zero draft and now I can print it out and start tearing the draft apart. I have been dying to get to this point and I couldn't have reached it at a better time. Next week I am on vacation from the day job. Although I'll probably be laid up for a couple of days after getting a tooth pulled at the dentist on Monday, I should be able to get a lot of work done as long as I can focus and stay excited like I was today, which I'm sure won't be a problem.

In other news, I'm 79 books into my 200 book reading goal for 2012. Having my Kindle Fire has definitely allowed me to read a lot more and I'm loving it. I've read a bunch of great books (and some not so great) and I hope that someday my book will be on someone's Kindle (someone other than my friend Lauren who actually has Genevieve's zero draft on her Kindle Fire now).

With that I'm off...142 double spaced pages need to be printed out and then I'm gonna relax with some NCIS and the end of the OKC/Lakers game (the Lakers are going down hard).

A Week of Utter Failures

After counting up all of my failures from last week, I'm not really sure I could have possibly failed more....well maybe if I had done nothing for my mom for her birthday and mother's day I would have failed epically. As it is I didn't do anything on my list of goals except for my Tuesday blog and the fun things like dinner with mom, seeing The Avengers for a second time and hanging out with my mom and family on Sunday. I didn't even clear much off of my DVR which is getting close to the 80% mark (most of that is episodes of Lost Girl, one of the best shows on television).

So because I failed and I super hate failure and there is nothing I can do but feel guilty for failing last week, I am going to try and use that guilt to motivate myself for this week. Next week is going to be a crap shoot on what I get done, none of which will be working out, since I'm getting some dental work done, including the pulling of a wisdom tooth. I want to get as much done this week as possible so I don't feel guilty drugging myself up and vegging out next week while my mouth bleeds profusely.

So here is this weeks list of goals...they are very similar to last week:

Monday: Errands + 1 hour of writing at home
Tuesday: 1 hour of working out + blog
Wednesday: 1 hour of writing at home.
Thursday: 1 hour of working out + blog
Friday: Dinner with Taracina to discuss writing...or my failures.
Saturday: 1 hour of working out + 1 hour of writing at home + maybe going to watch some Fastpitch Softball
Sunday: Cleaning house + blog + 1 hour of writing at home

Hopefully by Sunday I'll be done with zero draft and I can print it out, make notes and start the 1st draft rewrite. I keep saying this is going to happen now I need to stop talking about it and actually make it happen.

And this must become my new mantra:

All About Writing

First I have to say that I'm super bummed that I only blogged twice this week. Part of that was my fault, but part of it was also Blogger and/or my day job. I cannot seem to post from work and then for whatever reason I couldn't post from home on Thursday night. Friday, I blame The Avengers and the shear awesomeness of that movie.

Now for the most part I've stuck to this blogging schedule and I feel guilty when I miss a day or I'm late, so I'm hoping that I can transfer that over to the other two things in my life that I need to really get going and that's working out and writing. I need to work on a practical schedule for both things and then start figuring out my goals for them. I think each Sunday when I do my writing blog entry I'll post my goals for the week and what the schedule is.

Because I've had other things going on this week I've had very little time for writing...mostly because I didn't schedule it in. If I schedule it in, like I do hanging out with my friends, then I should finish my WIP in no time. I am so anxious to get writing the next draft, which will likely take me longer, but I can't skip the end so I can start over.

So, because I have very little else to write about, here is my schedule for the week. Time amounts are at minimum.

Monday: Errands + 1 hour of writing at home
Tuesday: 1 hour of working out + blog
Wednesday: 1 hour of writing at home.
Thursday: 1 hour of working out + blog
Friday: Dinner for mom's birthday...most likely ruining any good I did by working out.
Saturday: 1 hour of working out + 1 hour of writing at home + maybe seeing The Avengers again
Sunday: Lunch for mom's birthday/mother's day + 1 hour of writing at home + maybe 1 hour of working out + blog

So I guess next Sunday we'll see whether or not I was able to keep to this schedule. seems pretty simple when I see it in writing, but who knows if it will really be that easy.

All About Writing: Writer's Block

So Sunday I sat down to bust out my blog post which was supposed to be about ideas and where mine come from. Instead I just stared at the computer screen like I had been for days when I was supposed to be working on my WIP. I realized that I was so blocked that I couldn't even blog which meant that I needed to do something and fast.

Writer's Block for me is a lot of being plain old stuck. When I write I know a lot of what I want to happen and for the most part I just have to write that all out. Occasionally I discover pieces that are missing or something comes up while I'm writing that kind of begs me to be added. Unfortunately those things almost always end in me being blocked because I don't have any clue how to write them into the story. Or I get half way through writing them into the story and then slam, I run into a wall.

When this happens, I know that I need to skip over it and move ahead. Especially when I'm working on a zero draft like I am now. But of course I'm stubborn and I want to write through things so I sit here and stare at the cursor instead of moving on. And I do that every day for three or four days before kicking myself in the ass and making myself move on. it's such a giant waste of time and I hate that it happens every time. Writer's block isn't real for me. It's just all in my head and when I'm "blocked" on one thing I tend to be blocked on everything.

Obviously, since I was able to write this post, I moved on this morning and put in notes for when I go through for my first draft. Now it's time to play catch up. I wanted to get to 50,000 words and the end of my zero draft by the end of today....probably not going to happen, but I'm gonna work like hell to see if I can at least add another 2 grand before I go to bed tonight.

Bits and Pieces: Balancing Life and Dreams

Life is a constant balancing act; work, family, friends, sleep, household chores, staying healthy, fun....you name it and we have to balance doing it with everything else we have to and want to do in life. Balancing is something that I've never been really good at. I'm not good at managing my time effectively, mostly because I'm a huge fan of procrastination even though I know better. So when I try to balance, I always end up screwing things up and things get left behind. Either I don't finish laundry, I don't write, I don't exercise or I don't visit my family.

A lot of people say there aren't enough hours in the day and while that is somewhat true, I don't know if that's my problem. I spend a lot of time doing nothing when I could be doing something, but again it comes down to  excuses. Instead of doing most things, I sit and space out watching TV because I'm too tired or whatever the excuse is. I could easily wake up an hour earlier in the morning and work out, but I don't. My bed's too comfy or too warm. Why get up when I can keep sleeping? Why do anything productive when I can do something fun or something relaxing or actually just nothing?

If I want to make my dreams happen or if I want to get healthy, I need to stop being lazy and start doing something. Doing nothing will get me nowhere. It will keep me on the same path that I've been on since I graduated from college in 2009 which is a path to nothing except a life spent at my boring, meaningless day job that keeps me living a comfortable life, but doesn't give me anything fulfilling.

Changes need to happen and now that I realize that, I'm bound and determined to make sure they do. I'm no longer happy struggling to balance things. I will make it work because I have no other choice. I only live once and I'm not going to let myself down.

Sunday, not Sunday....

So only the second week of my blog schedule and I failed miserably and of course I have excuses, but it doesn't really matter what they are cause I failed regardless. So today there will be two posts so I can make up for my Sunday failure.

This weekend I ended with a word count of 39k and an end in sight. I am loving the way things are working out in my WIP and I can't wait to get to the end of this zero draft (aka basically an extended outline). I should be there by the 1st of May and then I can move on to the first draft where I add in all the descriptions and stuff that I never seem to put in during my zero draft. One time I wrote a story where I never once mentioned that my protagonist was a blonde because I never described her. So glad that I learned that I did that so that I don't worry about the parts where I get stuck trying to describe something and end up staring at the computer with writers block. I know I can skip it this round because odds are I didn't describe something a chapter back or four chapters before that.

One thing that I'm super addicted to at the moment that I had never tried before are sprints. On Saturday, Carolyn Crane tweeted that she was going to do a 1k1h sprint and asked people if they wanted to join her. I couldn't at the time she was doing it but decided to do it later that day. I sat down, no distractions, with the new Linkin Park single on repeat and wrote for an hour. I hit 1k by the half hour mark and ended with 1,891. It was the best I had ever done in word count before in one day, let alone a single sitting. I will definitely be doing more of those in the future.

The only other thing with Genevieve's story that I'm struggling with is whether or not third person limited is going to cut it for the POV. Everything is in first person these days and I am struggling to find some well written third person novels that I can use as a guideline. The ones that I love have their own unique voice which makes them a little difficult to study, whereas I have a myriad of books to choose from to see first person POV done right. I guess eventually I'll figure it out or die trying.

Bits and Pieces: Turning off the Brain

Occasionally I suffer with crazy long bouts of insomnia. No matter how exhausted I am during the day by the time bedtime rolls around I can't fall asleep without help. My brain just won't shut off. I think of all the things I should be doing at that moment even if they are things I couldn't possibly do at midnight (like vacuum or plant flower seeds). Bedtime is the time of day that I am the most motivated to workout. And it's the time where scenes and lines for my current WIP and new ideas seem to bombard me. It is the most frustrating thing in the world because I have a day job that I cannot miss and I cannot be too tired for.

I've been looking for tips on how to shut my brain off at night. I've got a prescription from my doctor for a medicinal solution, but that's not always an option since I sometimes don't realize it's going to be "one of those nights" until well after my eleven o'clock drug cutoff (if I take them any later, then I'm near useless at work the next day and I might as well have not taken it and not gotten any sleep). One thing that's worked for me lately has been thinking about the most mundane thing I can come up with and repeating it over and over. Kind of like counting sheep, but without the change of the numbers.

I wish I had the luxury to stay up and work on things as late as my brain wants me to, but my body and my job won't let me. I'm sure that I'm probably missing amazing ideas so that I could get a decent night's rest. Perhaps I'll get lucky and on my next vacation I'll have one of these insomnia weeks and for the first time since they started I won't suffer.

Excuses are like...

This week I made a promise to myself that I would blog every Sunday about writing. I almost didn't post today because I'm exhausted, sore and I haven't written all week, but then I realized that is exactly why I needed to post. Part of my problem, and why I haven't finished any of the novels I've started, is because I let being exhausted and sore (and sick, and busy, and insert other excuse here) keep me from writing. This week I worked on my annual deep Spring cleaning of my apartment. Instead of writing, I cleaned. I could have done both, but I didn't. Two days this week I missed work because my asthma was acting up and I did nothing, but I could have written something during that time, but I didn't.

At the end of last year, my friend T and I decided to start a writing group where we talk about what we plan to write, how we are going to do it, what's holding us back and what we plan to have done by the next time we meet. We are supposed to be holding each other accountable for word count, chapters or outlines, or whatever it is that we say we want to have done, but we are both guilty of giving a lot of excuses instead of a lot of product and it needs to stop.

I want to finish my zero draft of Genevieve's story before the end of the month. I think it's doable. I'm taking part in Spring KazNo with author Karen Mahoney which is similar to NaNoWriMo without the super strict guidelines. Although I didn't write much this week at all, I plan on changing my tune starting tomorrow (I know, another excuse, but really I'm barely staying awake right now and I'm only doing so because going to bed too early screws up my sleeping). Come May I'll be able to start my 1st draft rewrite and get things really moving. Until then, no more excuses! and that's another promise that I plan to stick with.

Enter to Win and Coming Soon...

One of my favorite reads of 2011 was Kindling the Moon by Jenn Bennett. The next book in Cady's adventures, Summoning the Night, comes out April 24th. Three copies are up for grabs at All Things Urban Fantasy. If you loved the first book, go enter to win the second.

Also, coming soon is a whole new blog schedule. I've been slacking on blogging cause I have no followers, but all bloggers started with 0 followers (unless they had friends and family follow them out of the gate) so I really don't have an excuse. I want to have a uniform blog schedule of 3 days a week to start out with at least that's the plan. They will go something like this...

Sundays: Much Ado About Writing
Tuesdays: Book Reviews
Thursdays: Bits and Pieces of Life

I will stick with this this time. It's a promise I'm making to myself and I hate breaking promises to myself.

Romance? Yes please...but since when?

Now that I'm really trying to take this writing thing seriously, I've started paying closer attention to how the books I like are written and what I really like to see in the books that I read. One thing that I've noticed has really surprised me. I’ve never been much for romance. As a kid, I didn’t plan my wedding, in fact I was adamant, as I still am, that I didn’t want to get married, and I never made my Barbies marry Ken. I did, however, have a ton of crushes on celebrities and boys I knew and would readily kiss any of them behind the bleachers…I was, and still am, what everyone likes to call boy crazy.

When it came to books (and even movies), I never really cared much about the presence of a love interest in or whether or not the characters got a happy ever after. Aside from a decent storyline, strong characters and some serious action, what did matter was whether or not there was at least one cute boy for me to drool over because apparently, even with fiction, I’m totally boy crazy.

I don’t know when things changed, although I'm fairly certain it had to be in the last couple of years. I still don’t see myself as a romantic and I don’t read straight up romance novels (or really like romantic comedies), but I’m no longer embarrassed to be seen in the romance section of the book store or library. I prefer when the main character has a love interest, although if they don't I'll still read the book. If they do, I don’t like the tension to be drawn out too terribly long. Hints and moments of almost are great at whetting the appetite, but eventually I need the characters to get together.

When I say get together, I don't necessarily mean jump into bed, although I love a well placed sex scene as much as anyone, and I don't mean that they have to stay together. Admitting their feelings for each other gives the reader a great payoff, but leaving them together or letting them lie around in bed all the time would make for a really boring book. Bring them together and then rip them apart, either as a twist to the plot or because separately they can solve the mystery faster (or whatever problem is trying to be solved). As long as I get some kind of payoff first, I'm a happy reader.

So what do you like to see in the books that you read that has surprised you? Have you always enjoyed it or is it a relatively new development?

For real this time...

A while back the always sexy and suprisingly inspiring Donnie Wahlberg tweeted something that struck a chord. "Don't be afraid to fail .... Be afraid not to try!"

I have always been afraid to try because I'm afraid of failing at the only thing I've ever wanted to do. So instead of actually trying to write a novel, I read about writing. I check all of my favorite author's blogs, I Google how to's, I read about other people's success and failures on writing message boards. I do everything but put my own words onto paper (or into the Word document).

But all that has come to an end. I am going to write everyday. It might not be words for a novel, but as long as I write something I'll be happy and then maybe eventually all that writing will result in a novel that, whether or not it's any good, I can be proud of. I no longer care if I fail in the end because if I don't try, I've failed before I even gave myself a chance. Donnie tweeted more amazing advice that I plan to live by on August 31st, "When that moment of fear hits? That moment of anxiety shows up? The one that won't go away- FACE IT! Then kick it right in its b***s!" My fear is going down and I am looking forward to the challenge.

It's my time to shine..."Today! Don't give up on your goal! Things happen when they're meant to- It's up to you to be prepared when that moment comes! Keep grinding!"*



*(of course, more Donnie wisdom to close out this post, I couldn't help myself)

In the beginning there was...

Ever since I was a little kid all I've ever wanted to be when I grew up was a writer. I wanted to create amazing characters and worlds that would entrance readers the way that I had been so many times as a child. I was one of the only kids in my elementary school that looked forward to reading day, when we just sat around school eating snacks and reading. I always had multiple books to read and would usually finish my pile by the end of the day. I was also one of the only kids I knew who would run to the library the day that they announced the Summer Reading Program so that I could sign up and set my reading goal for the summer.

I couldn't get enough of books and at the same time I couldn't stop writing. Throughout elementary school I won contests here and there and was always encouraged to write creatively. Then I moved on to middle school and then high school where I was never really encouraged to write creatively, so my focus changed dramatically. I still wrote in my spare time, but I was so caught up in other extracurricular activities like the newspaper and yearbook and the mass variety of clubs I could join, that I didn't really focus on my stories and ideas.

Then I went to college and creative writing seriously flew out the window. There was really no time to write between school, my part time job on the school newspaper that was more like a full time job, and my part time job working for a major wholesale company. When I graduated from community college, I took some time off before finishing my BA and during that time I wrote...a lot, but nothing truly that original. I wrote a lot of fan fiction because I wanted to just write and get feedback on my technique and fan fiction was the best way to do that. Plus, I didn't have the time to really take my writing very seriously as I was working full time and trying to have a life, while battling depression and an overall feeling of failure.

Finally, I went back to school, finished my BA in English and decided that I was truly going to give this writing thing a try. I was really confident that I would be able to finish a book and at the very least get some serious feedback on the job that I had done. I knew I had great ideas and a fairly decent grasp of the craft of writing, but then I got stuck. I hit a road block in my pursuit of my dream and that road block is nothing but straight up fear. I'm afraid that I am going to learn that I don't have what it takes to be a writer, that I can't pursue my dream. The thought scares the crap out of me and I can't seem to get over it.

So here I am 2 years after graduation with nothing to show for it. Not even fan fiction. Just ideas and the beginnings of a few novels. I can't seem to finish anything, not even a short story. I'm hindered by my own subconscious and I don't know how to get around it. But I don't plan on quitting. I figure someday I will smack down this fear and I want to be prepared with a great story when I do.